Common beliefs my clients have
They think everyone else is born confident
That the genetic gene for confidence just missed them. They think it’s only them who hesitate to speak in case they get a fact fundamentally wrong and make a fool of themselves. Or stumble over words whilst trying to get their point across. So they don’t do things that are out of their comfort zone in case they become judged for what they’ve said or done. Instead they stick onto to what they know and don’t push themselves further.
But the fact is a study by Kings College London proved that confidence is 50% genetics and 50% nurture. Crucially, this means that confidence can be taught, learnt and with small steps they can become more confident. Those activities that became big issues to avoid, can be overcome. And instead of being scary, these obstacles can be conquered and make them stronger and more likely to achieve goals they only ever dreamt about.
TIP: Become more curious about that one thing that scares you. Maybe it’s talking in front of a group or doing an activity you’ve always shied away from. But take a step towards it instead of burying your head in the sand – everyone starts with a small step and then the feeling of further success carries you to push your boundaries even further
“Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.” Maya Angelou
They think everyone else is more intelligent
And therefore they believe that their views, opinions and comments don’t count. It means they hold back when it comes to putting themselves forward. In fact, it increases their self-doubt because they think people will judge them not just for what they’ve done but the actions they take and for their character and personality. They go back to being in the classroom as a child, feeling inadequate because of a poor test result and believing that others must be better in everything because they got a better score. Before they know it, they are paralysed with fear and don’t do anything at all.
But we are all unique. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Of course every role will have minimum academic criteria for which companies expect candidates to have achieved but success in role and in life does not only come down to what is and what isn’t known. Implementation and liaising with others is vitally important to delivery.
TIP: Write a list of 10 things you are AMAZING at. And put it somewhere you can see it every day. And remember you are special because you are unique.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." ~ Dr. Seuss
They don’t feel ‘good enough’
They feel inadequate. Going out of their way to please people by often doing the things that either they don’t want to do or that go against their values so that they can be liked or approved. And this brings with it a sense of shame. Of course, thinking they are not good enough isn’t based on fact, no, not at all. But this feeling can be validated by small actions or comments family, friends and colleagues make – and often those individuals don’t appreciate the impact they have. But they all come together and are weighted like a ball and chain around their necks, pulling them down making it harder and harder to move forward.
TIP: Identify your skills and expertise and build on them in some small way. Don’t think too big or it will be difficult to implement, start small and you will soon reap the benefits.
"Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you're enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect. When we don't have that, we shape-shift and turn into chameleons; we hustle for the worthiness we already possess." Brené Brown
They're scared of failing
And this means that every decision is like a massive mountain to climb. It makes every single task enormous because of the mental energy is required to make a decision. They have to consider every avenue in case the originally one was not right. And when it’s bad it doesn’t matter how big or small the decision is, be it putting out the bins or choosing a new house. They worry the path they choose to take will be the wrong path and will lead to disaster. Therefore they procrastinate, asking others for their opinions but then don’t move forward because the fear of failing suffocates them.
But everyone feels this at one time or another. The key is in turning this anxiety into excitement about what the future could hold whichever path they take and how much more they can learn. If you do nothing, you remain fixed where you are.
TIP: Try moving to a growth mindset instead of a fixed mindset. To do this, focus on learning. Everything you do is an opportunity to learn and therefore grow bigger, better and stronger.
“When we give ourselves permission to fail, we, at the same time, give ourselves permission to excel.” Eloise Ristad
Do you have similar feelings? Why don’t you contact me and I can tell you about how I can help.